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Black Rod at PCC Helm

March 31, 2009

Congratulations to Sir Michael Willocks, the man formerly known as Black Rod, on his appointment as Press Complaints Commission commissioner. Black Rod replaces outgoing chief of the PCC Sir Christopher Meyer.

Black Rod’s full former title was the Gentleman Usher of the Black Rod. His duties included carrying the Mace into and out of the chamber for the Speaker of the House of Lords and presiding over various ceremonies surrounding the State Opening of Parliament and the Throne speech. He would also be the man tasked with arresting any Lord guilty of breach of privilege or other Parliamentary offence.

Willocks’ experience will stand him in good stead when it comes to dealing with our miscreant press, but one Fleet Street editor was sanguine: “Black Rod is a good man, and we look forward to working with him. We don’t think there is any danger of him thinking that he can start dressing up and wielding a rod at us, but if he does, we will remind him of the PCC’s traditional function – to make obscure barking noises from time to time, but never, ever to bite.”

Pictured thanks to Vincent: a man using a black fishing rod.

Robert Peston: who else?

March 30, 2009

Is it surprising that Robert Peston won this year’s TV performer of the year award? He is, after all, ubiquitous. The BBC must be steeling itself for yet another scandal – how can one man legitimately win, when there is no one else to vote for?

Peston’s omnipresence is matched, in legal circles, by that of Mark Stephens. The Finers Stephens Innocent man is one of the UK’s premier media lawyers, but such is his ability to opine on diverse legal issues that Angry Harry runs a website devoted to his many and varied media appearances. Robert Peston, watch out.

Mark Stephens is pictured courtesy of BattleFront. 

Exclusive: John McEnroe’s response to art scam

March 27, 2009

“You cannot be serious!?” said John McEnroe, former tennis superstar, when Manhattan police told him that he was one of various victims in an $88m art fraud.

“I’m afraid we are,” said police.

“You cannot be *x*xxx* serious!” replied McEnroe.

“We are. I’m sorry for your loss,” said a particularly authoritative policeman.

“Are you some kind of umpire?” screamed McEnroe. “You’re not serious!”

“I’m not an umpire,” said the officer. “I’m a policeman, and I am serious. Now, if you could help us, we can indict the perpetrator.”

“Indict him! What good will that do? I want a rematch! Now!”

“Sir, would you please calm down.”

“Are you *xxx8**g serious?! No I will not calm down!”

“Sir, if you carry on like this, I’m afraid we’ll have to take such action as we see fit.”

“Like, put me in the locker room!? Kick me off the court?! Deduct a point!? See if I care!”

“Mr McEnroe, I thought that you had put such tantrums behind you. After all, your tennis career was a long time ago.”

“OK OK OK. I’m being serious now. You’re right. Tell me, who’s the umpire in this case?”

Pictured courtesy of kerrins_giraffe back in school: a very serious tennis racket.

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