Chelsea v QPR: An Alternative Match Report with a PR Slant

September 24, 2009

stamford bridge

One of Swordplay’s friends found herself at a football match last night. Specifically, she witnessed Chelsea prevail 1-0 over fellow West London club QPR in the third round of the Carling Cup. It was the first time she had ever seen a football match, and, by and large, she enjoyed the occasion. Stamford Bridge is a fine stadium and the attendance of some 37,000 made for a lively atmosphere, especially among the QPR fans, whose singing, chanting and, as Swordplay’s friend put it, taunting was relentless.

Here, though, is the rub. Outside the ground, after the game, what had been a simmering feeling of menace blossomed into ugly scenes which many assume have long since disappeared from British football. Police, on horses and foot, had to separate Chelsea and QPR fans as scuffle after scuffle broke out on the way to Fulham Broadway station. For perhaps 25 minutes, anyone unlucky enough to be caught in the middle of this mini-riot was unable to move anywhere, making for a growing sense of dread each time there was a surge of the crowd or a charge of a police horse. It was unnecessary and unpleasant.

But Swordplay’s friend kept her wits about her. Later, in the relative calm of Parsons Green, she made the following observations:

1. Quite a few football fans are not very good-looking. Perhaps this contributes to their anger with the world?

2. Football fans predicate their existence on a sense of hate. “We hate Chelsea and we hate Chelsea, we hate Chelsea and we hate Chelsea, we are the Chelsea haters” was but one of many anthems sung by the QPR faithful. No one asks that they replace the word ‘hate’ with ‘love’, but seeing such visceral loathing, in so physically unprepossessing a group of people, was dismaying.

3. Before the game there was a tangible feeling of danger in the streets near Stamford Bridge. Afterwards, its fuse caught fire. But why should attending a sporting event in modern Britain be accompanied by fear for one’s safety?

4. Social media plays an intriguing role in fans’ confrontations. The standoff around Fulham Broadway saw virtually every fan holding mobile phones high above their heads and filming the action. Soon enough, footage will appear on Youtube. Just add bilious comments and you have a snapshot of tribal warfare in football.

5. What sort of father applauds his 12-year-old son when he hears him shout “F*** off, you Rangers *****!!”? For this happened as the QPR fans slowly made their way home, a proud Chelsea dad saying “Go on, son!” as his offspring screamed abuse.

6. The majority of football fans are decent folk. But thanks to the minority who prefer to watch what their opposing number is doing rather than enjoy the action on the pitch, football fans badly need some positive PR. “The trouble is,” said Swordplay’s friend, “with all the above factors in mind, where on earth do you start?”

Pictured courtesy of alofbrid: Stamford Bridge, Yorkshire. If only the scenes outside the West London version last night had been as idyllic.

 

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Seven of the Best Alternative Professionals

August 30, 2010

Susan Casey’s new book, The Wave, is soon to be published. It brilliantly illumines the world of professional big wave surfing, at the same time as exploring the phenomenon of rogue waves (specifically, those which top 100ft).

Suitably inspired, we thought we’d take a look at a different kind of professionalism than is usually to be found on these pages. Those featured in our magnificent seven of alternative professionals may not wear suits for a living, still less spend their time in the boardroom, but they couldn’t do what they do if they weren’t every bit as dedicated, focused, driven and downright professional as those at the helm of a City law firm, finance house or PR company.

1. Laird Hamilton

Hamilton is the star of The Wave, and no wonder. Based on the Hawaiian island of Kauai, the man is a force of nature, a 6″3′ powerhouse who makes big wave surfing look like a walk in the park. But it isn’t. The wave known as Teahupoo, surfed by Hamilton in Tim McKenna’s picture below, is a killer. Only years of focus, training and preparation make Hamilton able to ride this wave with such aplomb.

2. Danny Way

Warning: do not watch this footage if you are afraid of heights (and squeamish). American skateboarding star Danny Way has been rebuilt more times than the bionic man. He’s also made a small fortune from a sport so often wrongly derided as ‘for kids’. Definitely not one for a suit and tie, Way nevertheless deserves respect – as much as he would appear to need a permanent personal medical staff.

3. Shane McConkey

Professional skier Shane McConkey died in March 2009 while skiing in the Dolomite Mountains in Italy. His death robbed the world of extreme sports of an athlete known for combining BASE jumping with skiing, as seen in such feats as skiing into a BASE jump off the Eiger. RIP.

4. Shaun White

There are those who say that White, snowboarder extraordinaire, has the kind of hair that is inimical to success. We say, like Forbes magazine, that if White earned $9 million from his endorsements in 2008 alone, what’s he worth now? We also say: don’t try what White does at home. Or anywhere, really.

5. DannyMacaskill

If BMX riding is jejune, does it matter? Not to Macaskill, a man who’s worth a lot of money thanks to his remarkable ability on a bike.

6. Lynn Hill

There are rock climbers, and there’s Detroit-born Lynn Hill, the woman who made the first free ascent of the infamous Nose Route on El Capitan in Yosemite Valley. Currently sponsored by the Patagonia gear and clothing company, Hill has done it all, taking phenomenal risks in the pursuit of her calling. Take a look at the intensity of her gaze: this woman would have been a genius at whatever she’d chosen to do.

7. Dallas Friday

She has the best name of any sportsperson, ever. She also looks pretty good, too, and is even better at her chosen discipline, wakeboarding. And discipline is the name of the game: as with everyone here, however outre their worlds, however extreme their sports, if they weren’t disciplined they’d not only be impoverished but also, quite possibly, dead. Respect.

Hats off to the News of the World

August 30, 2010

Fantastic sting by the News of the World, whose legendary undercover reporter, Mazher Mahmood, has pierced the heart of some disgraceful match-fixing in professional cricket. Hats off, yet again, to Mahmood, but, strangely, we feel slightly sorry for him. Will he ever be able to retire into the sun and live a normal life? Somehow we rather doubt it.

Pictured: something which is decidedly not cricket.

Judge Dread, truly dread

August 24, 2010

An Englishman’s home is his castle. This ancient tenet of English society means that when a burglar breaks into an Englishman’s home (or castle), the homeowner, or feudal Lord, is entitled to defy him. The tools of defiance are many and varied but include diplomacy (“isn’t it past your bedtime?”), wheedling (“please, my good fellow, won’t you go away?”), lies (“see that castle across the street? It’s full of gold bullion”) and weaponry (“is that a nuclear missile in my pocket, and why aren’t you terrified to see me?”).

This last, however, causes problems. When a homeowner, eager to defend his castle, shoots a burglar, all hell breaks loose. Tabloid hacks break out in sweats as they find themselves compelled to blame European laws and the politically correct for daring to wonder whether such force was necessary when, really, all that is in issue is whether shooting dead an intruder was proportionate to the perceived threat and context.

In the US, this question was recently answered in the affirmative by the excellently named Judge Carlisle Overstreet. The 65-year-old judge shot and killed an unarmed bandana-wearing burglar after the man broke into his home and started coming upstairs. According to the estimable Legal Blog Watch, the dead burglar, John Howard Jr. (who, says the Augusta Chronicle, delighted in the nickname ‘Killa’), was one of two men who broke into the judge’s house in the early hours of the morning. The other, William Omar Jacobs, turned himself in and was denied bail.

This sorry or inspirational tale begs a question. If it had happened here, would it be the first time in recorded history that a judge had killed a burglar? In fact, is this unprecedented across the pond, too? And more to the point, if anyone says the judge acted disproportionately and that he really shouldn’t be canonized, are they politically correct stooges from a morally abased, utterly bankrupt European superstate (or something like that: we confess that tabloidese eludes us)?

Pictured: a judge says “Clint Eastwood isn’t the only one who likes large handguns.” But note: she’s not Carlisle Overstreet.