A writer’s life is a hard one. There is toil, there is sweat, there is angst, and often, it is all for nothing. Only one’s faith, as one labours lonely as a cloud, ignored and obscure, provides a semblance of sustenance.
Unless, that is, you opt for the genre to beat all others – the confessional sex diary. Or poem. Or even novel. Better yet, why not embrace all three? So long as you’re prepared to spill the beans about your sex life, real or imagined, you’re guaranteed oodles of publicity (if not literary immortality).
Perhaps this was Deidre Dare’s strategy. If so, it seems to have paid off, for as RollOnFriday report, Ms Dare has bagged a newspaper column. Unfortunately, the aspirant scribe – surely the most famous unpublished writer in the world – has also lost her job with Allen & Overy.
Despite the global economic meltdown, Dare seems remarkably sanguine about her newfound unemployment. After friends sent a missive requesting attendance at Deidre’s “firing party”, the feisty wordsmith felt that a corrective email was in order. Thanks to RollOnFriday, we know that this is what she sent:
Dear All
I have been reminded that my situation is very serious and should not be taken lightly. Accordingly, this party will be re-named to “Deidre’s Very Serious Dismissal Party”.
Hope to see you all there,
DD
If that’s not a work of genius – under pressure, too – we don’t know what is.
Russia is very lovely place for a lot of strangers who are not able to get success in their motherland. To became a popular musician, actor, singer, you don’t need any talent, the wonderful thing, you don’t need charisma. You must have imprudent character, influent patron and sponsors. If you have it come to Moscow and become a superstar!
So Farewell, then, Sir Fred Goodwin.
Now you are just Fred.
Not Right Said Fred, but plain Fred.
The Forfeiture Committee did for you.
No one had heard of it before,
But Dave said it had to act, and it did.
Trouble is that no one knows what to think.
Is it ‘Alas, poor Fred‘,
Or ‘Hurray! Sir Fred is dead!’?
We don’t know.
Do you?
By A. Mob, aged 1,378 and a half.
STOP PRESS:
Fed up with being stuck on the Thames in south-east England, London yesterday decided to move. In a dramatic gesture which augurs ill for the Olympics, the city upped sticks and relocated to East Anglia.
Lawyers were not consulted about the move, and the city’s precise motivation remains unclear. However, financiers fear that London’s decision is a sign that it wishes to downsize. Moreover, a source from London said: “We no longer want to be Britain’s seat of power. If the Scots can deregulate, why can’t we? East Anglia is a nice place where nothing happens. It’s time for a quiet life. Please respect our right to privacy.”
Elsewhere, Birmingham did not do anything, but Manchester was seen to be packing its bags. “There’s an opportunity for us,” said Manchester. “We can become London.”
East Anglia said: “We don’t mind. It’ll be refreshing to be associated with something other than fens and flatness.”
A cartologist at CNN, which broke the extraordinary news, was later fired.
We seem to be visually led this week but sometimes words proliferate far too much and letting an image do the talking is no bad thing. That’s another way of saying that ACCESS Agency’s work with Lego is absolutely top drawer.
Is there a geek inside all of us?
Excellent Nike ad
Memo to would-be hacks: good writing is no longer a tool of your trade
Released almost a year ago, Spada’s groundbreaking research report, British Professions Today, is available for free download
This bank is so well designed that many of its staff never go home (allegedly)
In the latest of our series of white papers, Spada Research examines trends in environmental reporting.
After a raft of phone-hacking admissions and allegations, we are no longer seen as the gruff but dependable watchdog. Neville Thurlbeck, formerly of the News of the World (part of his Damascene conversion; to be continued).