Exclusive: John McEnroe’s response to art scam

March 27, 2009

tennis-racket-1.jpg

“You cannot be serious!?” said John McEnroe, former tennis superstar, when Manhattan police told him that he was one of various victims in an $88m art fraud.

“I’m afraid we are,” said police.

“You cannot be *x*xxx* serious!” replied McEnroe.

“We are. I’m sorry for your loss,” said a particularly authoritative policeman.

“Are you some kind of umpire?” screamed McEnroe. “You’re not serious!”

“I’m not an umpire,” said the officer. “I’m a policeman, and I am serious. Now, if you could help us, we can indict the perpetrator.”

“Indict him! What good will that do? I want a rematch! Now!”

“Sir, would you please calm down.”

“Are you *xxx8**g serious?! No I will not calm down!”

“Sir, if you carry on like this, I’m afraid we’ll have to take such action as we see fit.”

“Like, put me in the locker room!? Kick me off the court?! Deduct a point!? See if I care!”

“Mr McEnroe, I thought that you had put such tantrums behind you. After all, your tennis career was a long time ago.”

“OK OK OK. I’m being serious now. You’re right. Tell me, who’s the umpire in this case?”

Pictured courtesy of kerrins_giraffe back in school: a very serious tennis racket.

 

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Supreme Court on Twitter

February 6, 2012

Something remarkable happened today. Yes, the Supreme Court launched its Twitter feed. It even has a Twitter policy, one of caveats, disclaimers and little by way of illumination but regardless: who would have thought that the successor body to the House of Lords would stoop to engage with the world of tweets, hashtags and retweets?

We look forward to the day when court business will be conducted via Twitter. Meantime, check out this link for an excellent blog on the Supreme Court.

Not so right said Fred

February 2, 2012
fred hat

So Farewell, then, Sir Fred Goodwin.

Now you are just Fred.

Not Right Said Fred, but plain Fred.

The Forfeiture Committee did for you.

No one had heard of it before,

But Dave said it had to act, and it did.

Trouble is that no one knows what to think.

Is it ‘Alas, poor Fred‘,

Or ‘Hurray! Sir Fred is dead!’?

We don’t know.

Do you?

By A. Mob, aged 1,378 and a half.

London Goes AWOL

January 31, 2012
CNN

STOP PRESS:

Fed up with being stuck on the Thames in south-east England, London yesterday decided to move. In a dramatic gesture which augurs ill for the Olympics, the city upped sticks and relocated to East Anglia.

Lawyers were not consulted about the move, and the city’s precise motivation remains unclear. However, financiers fear that London’s decision is a sign that it wishes to downsize. Moreover, a source from London said: “We no longer want to be Britain’s seat of power. If the Scots can deregulate, why can’t we? East Anglia is a nice place where nothing happens. It’s time for a quiet life. Please respect our right to privacy.”

Elsewhere, Birmingham did not do anything, but Manchester was seen to be packing its bags. “There’s an opportunity for us,” said Manchester. “We can become London.”

East Anglia said: “We don’t mind. It’ll be refreshing to be associated with something other than fens and flatness.”

A cartologist at CNN, which broke the extraordinary news, was later fired.