Gayz (Does Not) Meanz Heinz

June 25, 2008

Blade has been intrigued by the story of “57 Varieties” Heinz and its television ad for Deli Mayo.

Last week, The Guardian reported that viewers would encounter some extra sauce thanks to a new Heinz ad featuring two men sharing a quick goodbye kiss just as one of them set off for work while the other, somewhat remarkably attired as a chef, stayed home. The prelude saw the chef addressed as “mum” by a young boy and his sister.

Now, though, a barrage of complaints to the Advertising Standards Authority has seen Heinz withdraw the ad. It was set to run for a total of five weeks but over 200 irate individuals have ensured that the rest of us have had just a brief encounter with what the complainants describe as “offensive” and “inappropriate.” By ditching the ad, Heinz now finds itself accused of pandering to homophobia.

What to make of this? Speaking for himself, Blade missed the ad in its one-week of televisual bliss and, until the story broke, had not thought of Heinz for many years. Granted, while at university and in the early days of his career, Heinz’ products saved many a Blade household plate from being no more than a gesture in minimalism. But Blade had moved on, largely eschewing Heinz’ fare, especially Beanz, save when strictly necessary. Now, though, the temptation to rush to the supermarket and buy up as many varieties (but no more than 57) is almost unassailable. For Blade has done what any right-thinking person would do and scoured the web for more about Heinz. He learns that Heinz’ Tomato Ketchup apparently contains small amounts of celery, that Heinz made an appearance in The Manchurian Candidate, and that the Heinz pickle factory in Michigan is reputedly the largest pickle factory in the world. Moreover, the famous “57 Varieties” slogan is apparently a misnomer, there being 60 or even more Heinz varieties.

heinzbox1.jpg

Could it be that Heinz knew its latest ad would encounter flak via the good offices of the ASA and that it would have to be dropped, but that thereafter the world and his wife (whether dressed as a chef or not) would search the web for Heinz in all its glory, encountering not only the iconic Andy Warhol image above but the footage below?

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Not so right said Fred

February 2, 2012
fred hat

So Farewell, then, Sir Fred Goodwin.

Now you are just Fred.

Not Right Said Fred, but plain Fred.

The Forfeiture Committee did for you.

No one had heard of it before,

But Dave said it had to act, and it did.

Trouble is that no one knows what to think.

Is it ‘Alas, poor Fred‘,

Or ‘Hurray! Sir Fred is dead!’?

We don’t know.

Do you?

By A. Mob, aged 1,378 and a half.

London Goes AWOL

January 31, 2012
CNN

STOP PRESS:

Fed up with being stuck on the Thames in south-east England, London yesterday decided to move. In a dramatic gesture which augurs ill for the Olympics, the city upped sticks and relocated to East Anglia.

Lawyers were not consulted about the move, and the city’s precise motivation remains unclear. However, financiers fear that London’s decision is a sign that it wishes to downsize. Moreover, a source from London said: “We no longer want to be Britain’s seat of power. If the Scots can deregulate, why can’t we? East Anglia is a nice place where nothing happens. It’s time for a quiet life. Please respect our right to privacy.”

Elsewhere, Birmingham did not do anything, but Manchester was seen to be packing its bags. “There’s an opportunity for us,” said Manchester. “We can become London.”

East Anglia said: “We don’t mind. It’ll be refreshing to be associated with something other than fens and flatness.”

A cartologist at CNN, which broke the extraordinary news, was later fired.

An excellent ad if ever there was one

January 25, 2012
legovader

We seem to be visually led this week but sometimes words proliferate far too much and letting an image do the talking is no bad thing. That’s another way of saying that ACCESS Agency’s work with Lego is absolutely top drawer.