Gayz (Does Not) Meanz Heinz

June 25, 2008

Blade has been intrigued by the story of “57 Varieties” Heinz and its television ad for Deli Mayo.

Last week, The Guardian reported that viewers would encounter some extra sauce thanks to a new Heinz ad featuring two men sharing a quick goodbye kiss just as one of them set off for work while the other, somewhat remarkably attired as a chef, stayed home. The prelude saw the chef addressed as “mum” by a young boy and his sister.

Now, though, a barrage of complaints to the Advertising Standards Authority has seen Heinz withdraw the ad. It was set to run for a total of five weeks but over 200 irate individuals have ensured that the rest of us have had just a brief encounter with what the complainants describe as “offensive” and “inappropriate.” By ditching the ad, Heinz now finds itself accused of pandering to homophobia.

What to make of this? Speaking for himself, Blade missed the ad in its one-week of televisual bliss and, until the story broke, had not thought of Heinz for many years. Granted, while at university and in the early days of his career, Heinz’ products saved many a Blade household plate from being no more than a gesture in minimalism. But Blade had moved on, largely eschewing Heinz’ fare, especially Beanz, save when strictly necessary. Now, though, the temptation to rush to the supermarket and buy up as many varieties (but no more than 57) is almost unassailable. For Blade has done what any right-thinking person would do and scoured the web for more about Heinz. He learns that Heinz’ Tomato Ketchup apparently contains small amounts of celery, that Heinz made an appearance in The Manchurian Candidate, and that the Heinz pickle factory in Michigan is reputedly the largest pickle factory in the world. Moreover, the famous “57 Varieties” slogan is apparently a misnomer, there being 60 or even more Heinz varieties.

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Could it be that Heinz knew its latest ad would encounter flak via the good offices of the ASA and that it would have to be dropped, but that thereafter the world and his wife (whether dressed as a chef or not) would search the web for Heinz in all its glory, encountering not only the iconic Andy Warhol image above but the footage below?

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When a lawyer’s son is before the law

September 8, 2010

A lawyer of Swordplay’s acquaintance finds himself in a fix.

“My teenage son is to be interviewed by the local constable,” he tells us. “He is alleged to have committed an offence.”

We gasp, for such seems the appropriate response, and then ask: is it serious?

“No, it is not,” our troubled legal friend tells us. “In the great scheme of things, my son’s alleged transgression is about as de minimis as they get.”

For a split second, we wonder if said teenage son is cognisant of lawyerly terms of art such as de minimis, but rapidly conclude that the answer to this question is not a sine qua non of further discourse. And so we press on. That sounds good, we say, relatively speaking, at least.

“Yes,” says the lawyer, “but I am at a loss as to what to do with him. Do I come down hard and ground him, or do I play the liberal card, or do I find a compromise?”

That depends, we aver.

“On what?” asks our man.

On whether you would prefer to deal with your son’s alleged offence as a lawyer, or as a father, or as a father who is a lawyer, or maybe even as a lawyer who is a father.

“I see your point,” says the lawyer. And then, as if to prove that there is no cure for recidivism, he says: “The offence is, after all, de minimis.”

Without prejudice, we add.

Pictured: something out of Kafka. Now there was a man who knew about the law. And had a tough old father, too.

Max Mosley and Wayne Rooney: bedfellows?

September 6, 2010

We rarely enjoy pondering Max Mosley – the man, the sins, the legal action, what he stands for – but confess to a degree of grudging admiration for his tenacity in trying to change the law of privacy. As this story from the Independent has it, Mosley has lodged a request with the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg asking that, by law, journalists must inform the subject of a story of the private details they intend to print, prior to publication.

We suspect the motor racing man would never have thought it, but he would appear to have an unlikely bedfellow in a certain England footballer. Step forward, Wayne Rooney, who would presumably put his name to Mosley’s petition.

Pictured courtesy of NashvilleScene: some bedfellows are stranger than fiction.


Memo to Freelance Writers: return that editor’s call quickly

September 3, 2010

Woe betide those who freelance and fail to return a call.

We say this upon hearing of a normally prolific freelance journalist who picked up a voicemail from an editor at one of the nationals on Tuesday afternoon. Please call us, was the message, and it could mean just one thing – a commission.

Our hero’s habitual practice is to return such calls as soon as is reasonably practicable, as m’learned friends might put it. In practice, that would habitually mean within a couple of hours. Most atypically, and for reasons we have yet to fathom, our man failed to call back for a full 24 hours.

By then, said editor had looked elsewhere. One of our man’s competitors had the gig, an interesting piece about cricket and the law, one which might just be in The Times today and which, we assume, asks whether the Pakistan cricket team have been caught out (in the legal sense, you understand).

We make no judgement on the no ball scandal, save to say that it is a scandal, but in another sense the moral is clear: in the fast-paced world of modern media, he who hesitates is lost.

Pictured courtesy of PrintedClothing.com: a fast-selling shirt.