Getting in shape for the 3-Day Novel Contest

July 31, 2009

day-shift-werewolf

Here at Swordplay, we relish the end of the working week as much as the next man. But this weekend idleness will not be our fate. Instead, we are undertaking a trial run for the forthcoming 3-Day Novel Contest. This, “the world’s most notorious literary marathon”, has been going since 1977 and attracts scribes from around the globe. The task is simple: to produce “a masterwork of fiction” in 72 hours. Entrants require “adrenaline and the desire for spontaneous literary nirvana”, not to mention oodles of stamina. Writing begins at midnight on Friday night, and must stop by midnight on Monday night.

The 32nd Annual International 3-Day Novel Contest takes place on America’s Labour Day weekend, from September 5 to September 7.

As for this weekend, names of Swordplay’s denizens have been placed in a hat. The last name to be picked will be tasked with spending the weekend penning a masterpiece. He or she will be given Monday off, too, in order that the full 72 hour marathon can be experienced. Armed with the results of this experiment, Swordplay will be ready for the 3-Day Novel Contest, proper.

Meanwhile, the organisers state that preparing an outline is permissible. Here’s one we made earlier…

The Lost Weekend by Apollo Zen delves deep in the pysche of the City as its anti-hero, Warren Smorgasbord, finds himself trapped in a lift with only an old Silver Reed typewriter for company. Smorgasbord, the CEO of a major food, law and telecommunications company, finds himself compelled to write, gently, hesitantly at first, but then with increasing freneticism. Soon his fingers, wrists and elbows are aching as he unleashes tortured memory upon tortured fantasy, revealing the secrets of a life in which he has variously been a suspension bridge engineer, shipwright, playwright, copywriter, aviator, lift attendant, corruptible but uncorrupted politician and aficionado of Chelsea basements. But just as The Lost Weekend surges inexorably towards its climax the doors of the lift are wrenched open by a man holding a gun. It is at this moment that Smorgasbord realises that he will never, ever recover the weekend that was. In brutally dissonant, unabashed and honest prose, Apollo Zen reveals the the hidden impulses and inner demons of Smorgasbord, a man for whom three days in a lift represented both his apotheosis – and his nadir.

Pictured: the cover of Day Shift Werewolf by Jan Underwood, the winner of the 2005 3-Day Novel Contest.

 

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Supreme Court on Twitter

February 6, 2012

Something remarkable happened today. Yes, the Supreme Court launched its Twitter feed. It even has a Twitter policy, one of caveats, disclaimers and little by way of illumination but regardless: who would have thought that the successor body to the House of Lords would stoop to engage with the world of tweets, hashtags and retweets?

We look forward to the day when court business will be conducted via Twitter. Meantime, check out this link for an excellent blog on the Supreme Court.

Not so right said Fred

February 2, 2012
fred hat

So Farewell, then, Sir Fred Goodwin.

Now you are just Fred.

Not Right Said Fred, but plain Fred.

The Forfeiture Committee did for you.

No one had heard of it before,

But Dave said it had to act, and it did.

Trouble is that no one knows what to think.

Is it ‘Alas, poor Fred‘,

Or ‘Hurray! Sir Fred is dead!’?

We don’t know.

Do you?

By A. Mob, aged 1,378 and a half.

London Goes AWOL

January 31, 2012
CNN

STOP PRESS:

Fed up with being stuck on the Thames in south-east England, London yesterday decided to move. In a dramatic gesture which augurs ill for the Olympics, the city upped sticks and relocated to East Anglia.

Lawyers were not consulted about the move, and the city’s precise motivation remains unclear. However, financiers fear that London’s decision is a sign that it wishes to downsize. Moreover, a source from London said: “We no longer want to be Britain’s seat of power. If the Scots can deregulate, why can’t we? East Anglia is a nice place where nothing happens. It’s time for a quiet life. Please respect our right to privacy.”

Elsewhere, Birmingham did not do anything, but Manchester was seen to be packing its bags. “There’s an opportunity for us,” said Manchester. “We can become London.”

East Anglia said: “We don’t mind. It’ll be refreshing to be associated with something other than fens and flatness.”

A cartologist at CNN, which broke the extraordinary news, was later fired.