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- on December 12, 2008 at 7:41 am
“mallishag” (used by some inhabitants of the Isle of Wight to describe small insects)- is incorrect – a mallyshag is a caterpillar simon from the Isle of Wight
LOL as Telegraph grapples with text-speak
December 11, 2008
It’s official: text-speak is now part of everyday English.
As lexicographer Jonathon Green, editor of the recently published Chambers Slang Dictionary, tells today’s Telegraph: “What we’re seeing is the influence of technology coupled with current events and, inevitably of the young, who in many cases drive language. It’s focused on this world of mobile phones – these abbreviations are perfectly suited to those little screens.”
Anyone with teenage children will confirm the extent to which this is true. One of Blade’s offspring recently completed an English essay whose many profound insights into Edgar Allan Poe’s The Raven were somewhat uneasy on the eye thanks to the repeated use of “u” instead of “you”. Better yet, thought Blade, would have been the impersonal pronoun – but is this simply a stylistic preference, akin to preferring “you” to “u”?
Language in all its Protean glory has recently been explored in The English Project’s excellent Kitchen Table Lingo, a book which sought to capture the overlooked words we bandy about in our homes or offices, terms such as “mallishag” (used by some inhabitants of the Isle of Wight to describe small insects), “griffley” (a dog with a grumpy face) and “Snotfair”, a contraction of “it’s not fair” which is used by academics to describe a meeting with a student who is unhappy with his or her grade.
Blade suspects that the mutations of English identified in Kitchen Table Lingo are viewed rather more sympathetically than those derived from technology in the Chambers Slang Dictionary. Perhaps this is an age thing, or maybe it’s because so many of the new slang terms contain numbers, anathema to the philologist. For example, to call someone a 404 might seem recondite but it hails from the world of IT, its root being the “404 error” message displayed on an otherwise blank page when an internet browser cannot find a website (thus to be a 404 is to be an idiot). Likewise, to be “35″ is not necessarily to describe one’s age but one’s finances, thanks to the Code 35 message an Oyster card user receives when their card is out of cash (“I’m a bit 35″ is therefore an admission of fiscal embarrassment, for Londoners if no one else).
Where is it all going? Will we one day delight not in exquisite prose but a strange blend of acronym, slang and numerics, all predicated on how quickly and easily they can be typed into a mobile phone?
Perhaps, but by way of proving just how perilous venturing into this world is, it appears that the Telegraph believe that “LOL” stands for “lots of love”. To which, M8, u mite not b ROTFL but u can LOL.
For more on LOL, click here and here.
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Seven of the Best Alternative Professionals
August 30, 2010Susan Casey’s new book, The Wave, is soon to be published. It brilliantly illumines the world of professional big wave surfing, at the same time as exploring the phenomenon of rogue waves (specifically, those which top 100ft).
Suitably inspired, we thought we’d take a look at a different kind of professionalism than is usually to be found on these pages. Those featured in our magnificent seven of alternative professionals may not wear suits for a living, still less spend their time in the boardroom, but they couldn’t do what they do if they weren’t every bit as dedicated, focused, driven and downright professional as those at the helm of a City law firm, finance house or PR company.
Hamilton is the star of The Wave, and no wonder. Based on the Hawaiian island of Kauai, the man is a force of nature, a 6″3′ powerhouse who makes big wave surfing look like a walk in the park. But it isn’t. The wave known as Teahupoo, surfed by Hamilton in Tim McKenna’s picture below, is a killer. Only years of focus, training and preparation make Hamilton able to ride this wave with such aplomb.
2. Danny Way
Warning: do not watch this footage if you are afraid of heights (and squeamish). American skateboarding star Danny Way has been rebuilt more times than the bionic man. He’s also made a small fortune from a sport so often wrongly derided as ‘for kids’. Definitely not one for a suit and tie, Way nevertheless deserves respect – as much as he would appear to need a permanent personal medical staff.
3. Shane McConkey
Professional skier Shane McConkey died in March 2009 while skiing in the Dolomite Mountains in Italy. His death robbed the world of extreme sports of an athlete known for combining BASE jumping with skiing, as seen in such feats as skiing into a BASE jump off the Eiger. RIP.
4. Shaun White
There are those who say that White, snowboarder extraordinaire, has the kind of hair that is inimical to success. We say, like Forbes magazine, that if White earned $9 million from his endorsements in 2008 alone, what’s he worth now? We also say: don’t try what White does at home. Or anywhere, really.
If BMX riding is jejune, does it matter? Not to Macaskill, a man who’s worth a lot of money thanks to his remarkable ability on a bike.
6. Lynn Hill
There are rock climbers, and there’s Detroit-born Lynn Hill, the woman who made the first free ascent of the infamous Nose Route on El Capitan in Yosemite Valley. Currently sponsored by the Patagonia gear and clothing company, Hill has done it all, taking phenomenal risks in the pursuit of her calling. Take a look at the intensity of her gaze: this woman would have been a genius at whatever she’d chosen to do.
She has the best name of any sportsperson, ever. She also looks pretty good, too, and is even better at her chosen discipline, wakeboarding. And discipline is the name of the game: as with everyone here, however outre their worlds, however extreme their sports, if they weren’t disciplined they’d not only be impoverished but also, quite possibly, dead. Respect.
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Hats off to the News of the World
August 30, 2010
Fantastic sting by the News of the World, whose legendary undercover reporter, Mazher Mahmood, has pierced the heart of some disgraceful match-fixing in professional cricket. Hats off, yet again, to Mahmood, but, strangely, we feel slightly sorry for him. Will he ever be able to retire into the sun and live a normal life? Somehow we rather doubt it.
Pictured: something which is decidedly not cricket.
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Judge Dread, truly dread
August 24, 2010
An Englishman’s home is his castle. This ancient tenet of English society means that when a burglar breaks into an Englishman’s home (or castle), the homeowner, or feudal Lord, is entitled to defy him. The tools of defiance are many and varied but include diplomacy (“isn’t it past your bedtime?”), wheedling (“please, my good fellow, won’t you go away?”), lies (“see that castle across the street? It’s full of gold bullion”) and weaponry (“is that a nuclear missile in my pocket, and why aren’t you terrified to see me?”).
This last, however, causes problems. When a homeowner, eager to defend his castle, shoots a burglar, all hell breaks loose. Tabloid hacks break out in sweats as they find themselves compelled to blame European laws and the politically correct for daring to wonder whether such force was necessary when, really, all that is in issue is whether shooting dead an intruder was proportionate to the perceived threat and context.
In the US, this question was recently answered in the affirmative by the excellently named Judge Carlisle Overstreet. The 65-year-old judge shot and killed an unarmed bandana-wearing burglar after the man broke into his home and started coming upstairs. According to the estimable Legal Blog Watch, the dead burglar, John Howard Jr. (who, says the Augusta Chronicle, delighted in the nickname ‘Killa’), was one of two men who broke into the judge’s house in the early hours of the morning. The other, William Omar Jacobs, turned himself in and was denied bail.
This sorry or inspirational tale begs a question. If it had happened here, would it be the first time in recorded history that a judge had killed a burglar? In fact, is this unprecedented across the pond, too? And more to the point, if anyone says the judge acted disproportionately and that he really shouldn’t be canonized, are they politically correct stooges from a morally abased, utterly bankrupt European superstate (or something like that: we confess that tabloidese eludes us)?
Pictured: a judge says “Clint Eastwood isn’t the only one who likes large handguns.” But note: she’s not Carlisle Overstreet.
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