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Manuelgate: The 12 Lessons To Be Set In Stone

October 30, 2008

Russell Brand, the man the Daily Mail likes to call “the lewd braggart”, has fallen on his sword over Manuelgate. Meanwhile his partner in crime, Jonathan Ross, awaits his fate, having been suspended by the BBC, while Georgina Ballie is rumoured to be closing a deal with a Sunday tabloid for her story. It’s all quite remarkable, but are there lessons to be learned from the affair? Could any of the protagonists have done things differently?

We think so. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but a modicum of simple, ethically-founded foresight would have served the main players well. Here are 12 Lessons To Be Set In Stone from Manuelgate so far:

1. Be Careful Who You Kiss.

The old saying is that love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop. But in Russell Brand’s case, it seems that sex begins with a smile, grows exponentially (he claims to have slept with over 2,000 women), and ends with indifference. Should Georgina Baillie have been more circumspect before sleeping with the wild-haired Lothario? Perhaps. Then again, she can’t have known that he would choose to broadcast their liaison on BBC radio.

2.  Be A Gentleman.

“Courtesy is as much a mark of a gentleman as courage.” So said Theodore Roosevelt, and the 26th American President’s aphorism remains on the money a century or so after its utterance. If Brand had observed the time-honoured rule that a gentleman never discusses, still less publicises, his amours, he would still have his job with the BBC.

3. Embrace Feminism.

This is one for both Brand and Ross. The pair had evidently discussed Brand’s adventures with Ms Baillie prior to the broadcast (Brand’s first breach of Rule 2), but their subsequent on-air quips about her suggest that both have some way to go before they could claim to be rounded, 21st century men. The talk of Brand having “enjoyed” Baillie “on a swing” wasn’t just as crude as the use of the antecedent F-word; both betrayed the unconscious misogyny still rife in much male discourse.

4. Respect One’s Elders.

Another simple rule, adherence to which would have spared a lot of blushes.

5.  Remember That No Player (Even One As Good As Stan Bowles) Is Greater Than The Team.

History reveals that football managers perennially refuse to be dictated to by great players when they tend too much to prima donna-ism. As yet, we do not know how the calls to Andrew Sachs’ answer-phone were approved for broadcast, but it seems possible that the BBC’s editorial team were cowed by the stellar qualities of the two presenters. All involved would do well to note that they are part of a team which, like all teams (whether on the football pitch or elsewhere), will only succeed if it plays by the rules.

6. Make Sure Everyone Knows The Rules.

It’s no good taking to the field if some of the players don’t know the manager’s formation.  What was the BBC’s pre-publication policy with regard to gags which might infringe a third party’s privacy? Did Brand and Ross even know?

7. Use Your Lawyer.

The BBC has a phalanx of highly trained media lawyers whose expertise lies precisely in assessing legal risk pre-broadcast.  It seems unlikely that one was consulted in this instance, given what prima facie amounts to a clear invasion of Ms Baillie’s privacy. If ever there was a time and a place for measured legal advice, this was it.

8. Act Quickly. Act Decisively. Above All, Act.

Even if all the foregoing rules are observed, mistakes can still happen. We wouldn’t be human otherwise. Once the complaints started to roll in and Fleet Street wheeled out its big guns, the BBC should have announced that an investigation was underway as a priority and suspended the two men at the centre of the storm. Instead, they procrastinated, thereby allowing the story to gain momentum. Within hours of Brand’s resignation, the media had started to turn, questioning whether it had all gone too far; prompt action by the BBC might have produced the same result, but with the possibility that its stars could, in due course, return to the fray. The BBC’s dithering amounts to a gross breach of one of the first rules of crisis management: act quickly and decisively, and above all, do something.

9.  When You’re In The Wrong, Admit It.

More procrastination here, as Brand and Ross were too slow to acknowledge their mistakes. An already pronounced sense that they might be cursed with a dose of hubris only intensified as they, like their employer, dithered.

10.  When You Get Knocked Down, Get Up Again.

Brand and Ross will be feeling somewhat battered. However, if they are prepared to learn from their mistakes, there is no reason why the pair won’t continue to blossom in the contemporary media landscape. They should, however, pay heed to the famous exhortation of ‘Gentleman’ Jim Corbett, the legendary heavyweight boxer of the early 20th century: Fight one more round, when your arms are so tired that you can hardly lift your hands to come on guard, fight one more round, when your nose is bleeding and your eyes are black and you are so tired that you wish your opponent would crack you one on the jaw and put you to sleep, fight one more round – remembering that the man who always fights one more round is never whipped.

11. If You’re Going To Deal With The Devil, Ask For Max.

Which Sunday newspaper has done a deal with Georgina Baillie? Has she indeed gone down this route, or is she contemplating suing for invasion of privacy and then selling her story? All will soon be revealed, but in retaining Max Clifford, she’s obtained the assistance of a man who knows the dark arts of Fleet Street better than anyone.

12. Have The Dignity Of Andrew Sachs.

The veteran Fawlty Towers star has been an exemplar of dignity, restraint and courtesy. He was amenable to the media at the same time as he supported his granddaughter; he played down the effect of the prank calls on his own feelings and is writing letters to Ross and Brand thanking them for their own, somewhat belated, missives. He says he hopes that Brand will move forward, turning this disaster into a positive, and we believe him. Why?

Because, unlike Brand and Ross, he’s a gentleman.