Non-Literary Linguistics: Five of the Best Uses of ‘Literally’

July 20, 2010
flying-car-4

Here in the labyrinth we have literally been working our socks off compiling examples of misuse of the word ‘literally’. Yes, strewn around us are socks of all shapes, sizes and colours but our toil, if pungent, has not been in vain. The evidence follows:

1. Literally Killing For

Overheard in a London bar: “I love him so much – I would literally kill for him.” This is unfortunate. No doubt the object of this statement would be flattered to be in receipt of such ardour, but what use is it if the speaker is convicted of murder?

2. Literally Giving Everything

A solicitor of our acquaintance is in love. Yes, solicitors are capable of this emotion. This one, though, takes it a step further. “I’ve literally given everything of myself,” he avers. “What more can she want?”

We say: she’d like the English language to be used correctly. We find, working in PR and communications as we do, that it helps.

3. Literally Flying Down The Road

On oath before the magistrates, a police constable avowed that “The defendant was literally flying down the road.” He wasn’t. He was driving.

4. Literally Heartbreaking

“It’s heartwrenching. This we thought was an answer to a mystery that’s been going on for far too long. The best term I can use is: it was heartbreaking, literally.” Thus spoke an American man whose search for Bigfoot had literally ended. As searches for Bigfoot tend to do.

5. Literally Laughing One’s Head Off

We all know the feeling. We hear a joke, or an amusing anecdote, or the sound of Peter Mandelson declaiming from the high ground, and we literally laugh our heads off.

Can be dangerous, though…

Pictured: a defendant – literally flying down the road.

 

One Response to “Non-Literary Linguistics: Five of the Best Uses of ‘Literally’”

Posted by:
Nollie on November 5, 2011 at 10:22 am

Wait, I cannot fathom it being so srtagihftorawrd.

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Supreme Court on Twitter

February 6, 2012

Something remarkable happened today. Yes, the Supreme Court launched its Twitter feed. It even has a Twitter policy, one of caveats, disclaimers and little by way of illumination but regardless: who would have thought that the successor body to the House of Lords would stoop to engage with the world of tweets, hashtags and retweets?

We look forward to the day when court business will be conducted via Twitter. Meantime, check out this link for an excellent blog on the Supreme Court.

Not so right said Fred

February 2, 2012
fred hat

So Farewell, then, Sir Fred Goodwin.

Now you are just Fred.

Not Right Said Fred, but plain Fred.

The Forfeiture Committee did for you.

No one had heard of it before,

But Dave said it had to act, and it did.

Trouble is that no one knows what to think.

Is it ‘Alas, poor Fred‘,

Or ‘Hurray! Sir Fred is dead!’?

We don’t know.

Do you?

By A. Mob, aged 1,378 and a half.

London Goes AWOL

January 31, 2012
CNN

STOP PRESS:

Fed up with being stuck on the Thames in south-east England, London yesterday decided to move. In a dramatic gesture which augurs ill for the Olympics, the city upped sticks and relocated to East Anglia.

Lawyers were not consulted about the move, and the city’s precise motivation remains unclear. However, financiers fear that London’s decision is a sign that it wishes to downsize. Moreover, a source from London said: “We no longer want to be Britain’s seat of power. If the Scots can deregulate, why can’t we? East Anglia is a nice place where nothing happens. It’s time for a quiet life. Please respect our right to privacy.”

Elsewhere, Birmingham did not do anything, but Manchester was seen to be packing its bags. “There’s an opportunity for us,” said Manchester. “We can become London.”

East Anglia said: “We don’t mind. It’ll be refreshing to be associated with something other than fens and flatness.”

A cartologist at CNN, which broke the extraordinary news, was later fired.