Scattergun PR: Why It’s Rubbish (Usually)

July 30, 2009

orgasmic

Swordplay’s denizens work in PR. We work with journalists on a daily basis and know that bombarding them with irrelevant press releases or pushy follow up calls does no one any favours. But according to our sometime scribe, Alex Wade, there’s an awful lot of bad PR out there. Read on, as he confronts EU agricultural law, e-Recruitment and National Orgasm Day.

It’s a bright, sunny morning. What a relief after the recent deluge. I fire up my laptop and set about writing something. It’s going well and I don’t mind the insistent ‘ping’ of emails wending their way to me. I could close Outlook to avoid the intrusion of email, but I quite like the distraction, stopping writing every 15 minutes or so to see who’s emailed me and about what.

Today, though, I seem to be in receipt of an excess of poorly judged PR. Press releases which bear no relation to one’s fields of expertise are an occupational hazard and there is a very simple way of dealing with them. It involves the ‘delete’ button. But today I’m subject to an onslaught. One man’s spam may be another’s manna but given that I write about coastal matters, the law, sport, travel and art (OK, a wide brief), why am I being exhorted to take an interest in genomic medicine? I will never write about this in a million years, as is also the case for the following, all of which have come my way thanks to Scattergun PR:

1. e-Recruitment in Ireland. I’m sure this is an excellent innovation but it’s not my thing.

2. Modifications to the Subaru WRX. Subarus are great cars but I am not, have never been and am unlikely ever to be a motoring journalist.

3. Exciting news about a Saville Row tailor. Or perhaps it’s a tailor who’s not on Saville Row but should be. But doesn’t want to be, because the rents are too high. As such, he’s happy to ply his trade elsewhere. Or she is. I can’t remember and, truth to tell, I never knew. This press release was instantaneously deleted.

4. EU agricultural law and policy. Yes, I write about the law, but usually with a media slant. Have I ever written about agricultural law? No. Will I ever write about agricultural law? No.

5. National Orgasm Day. An organisation which makes sex toys asks that we all say ‘Yes!’ tomorrow, it being National Orgasm Day. I didn’t know that National Orgasm Day looms, and though this is of course good news I do wonder whether writing about it is quite my thing.

Then again, who knows? Perhaps one of my editors might go for a feature? Maybe I’d better give this one some thought. I retrieve the deleted press release and discover that “If more people said yes to their partner rather than making excuses, we would actually be a more relaxed nation as sex is actually a stress buster and releases endorphins to the brain.” Elsewhere I learn that the recession and women wanting to have it all are “key factors in people’s waning libidos.”

Hmmm. Is there a story here? Can I ignore the lacklustre prose and needless repetition of the word ‘actually’ in favour of pitching a piece on National Orgasm Day?

Er, no. Someone, somewhere will go for this as a story, but I can’t see it in my Times column or as a law piece, or anywhere else for that matter. It only remains to trust that National Orgasm Day is everything it hopes to be – and to read the press releases which are relevant to my work. Talking of which, perhaps I’ll close Outlook after all.

Pictured courtesy of ArtflDodger: a painting of a woman moaning with despair at the idea that anyone would ever legitimise ‘National Orgasm Day’.

 

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Seven of the Best Alternative Professionals

August 30, 2010

Susan Casey’s new book, The Wave, is soon to be published. It brilliantly illumines the world of professional big wave surfing, at the same time as exploring the phenomenon of rogue waves (specifically, those which top 100ft).

Suitably inspired, we thought we’d take a look at a different kind of professionalism than is usually to be found on these pages. Those featured in our magnificent seven of alternative professionals may not wear suits for a living, still less spend their time in the boardroom, but they couldn’t do what they do if they weren’t every bit as dedicated, focused, driven and downright professional as those at the helm of a City law firm, finance house or PR company.

1. Laird Hamilton

Hamilton is the star of The Wave, and no wonder. Based on the Hawaiian island of Kauai, the man is a force of nature, a 6″3′ powerhouse who makes big wave surfing look like a walk in the park. But it isn’t. The wave known as Teahupoo, surfed by Hamilton in Tim McKenna’s picture below, is a killer. Only years of focus, training and preparation make Hamilton able to ride this wave with such aplomb.

2. Danny Way

Warning: do not watch this footage if you are afraid of heights (and squeamish). American skateboarding star Danny Way has been rebuilt more times than the bionic man. He’s also made a small fortune from a sport so often wrongly derided as ‘for kids’. Definitely not one for a suit and tie, Way nevertheless deserves respect – as much as he would appear to need a permanent personal medical staff.

3. Shane McConkey

Professional skier Shane McConkey died in March 2009 while skiing in the Dolomite Mountains in Italy. His death robbed the world of extreme sports of an athlete known for combining BASE jumping with skiing, as seen in such feats as skiing into a BASE jump off the Eiger. RIP.

4. Shaun White

There are those who say that White, snowboarder extraordinaire, has the kind of hair that is inimical to success. We say, like Forbes magazine, that if White earned $9 million from his endorsements in 2008 alone, what’s he worth now? We also say: don’t try what White does at home. Or anywhere, really.

5. DannyMacaskill

If BMX riding is jejune, does it matter? Not to Macaskill, a man who’s worth a lot of money thanks to his remarkable ability on a bike.

6. Lynn Hill

There are rock climbers, and there’s Detroit-born Lynn Hill, the woman who made the first free ascent of the infamous Nose Route on El Capitan in Yosemite Valley. Currently sponsored by the Patagonia gear and clothing company, Hill has done it all, taking phenomenal risks in the pursuit of her calling. Take a look at the intensity of her gaze: this woman would have been a genius at whatever she’d chosen to do.

7. Dallas Friday

She has the best name of any sportsperson, ever. She also looks pretty good, too, and is even better at her chosen discipline, wakeboarding. And discipline is the name of the game: as with everyone here, however outre their worlds, however extreme their sports, if they weren’t disciplined they’d not only be impoverished but also, quite possibly, dead. Respect.

Hats off to the News of the World

August 30, 2010

Fantastic sting by the News of the World, whose legendary undercover reporter, Mazher Mahmood, has pierced the heart of some disgraceful match-fixing in professional cricket. Hats off, yet again, to Mahmood, but, strangely, we feel slightly sorry for him. Will he ever be able to retire into the sun and live a normal life? Somehow we rather doubt it.

Pictured: something which is decidedly not cricket.

Judge Dread, truly dread

August 24, 2010

An Englishman’s home is his castle. This ancient tenet of English society means that when a burglar breaks into an Englishman’s home (or castle), the homeowner, or feudal Lord, is entitled to defy him. The tools of defiance are many and varied but include diplomacy (“isn’t it past your bedtime?”), wheedling (“please, my good fellow, won’t you go away?”), lies (“see that castle across the street? It’s full of gold bullion”) and weaponry (“is that a nuclear missile in my pocket, and why aren’t you terrified to see me?”).

This last, however, causes problems. When a homeowner, eager to defend his castle, shoots a burglar, all hell breaks loose. Tabloid hacks break out in sweats as they find themselves compelled to blame European laws and the politically correct for daring to wonder whether such force was necessary when, really, all that is in issue is whether shooting dead an intruder was proportionate to the perceived threat and context.

In the US, this question was recently answered in the affirmative by the excellently named Judge Carlisle Overstreet. The 65-year-old judge shot and killed an unarmed bandana-wearing burglar after the man broke into his home and started coming upstairs. According to the estimable Legal Blog Watch, the dead burglar, John Howard Jr. (who, says the Augusta Chronicle, delighted in the nickname ‘Killa’), was one of two men who broke into the judge’s house in the early hours of the morning. The other, William Omar Jacobs, turned himself in and was denied bail.

This sorry or inspirational tale begs a question. If it had happened here, would it be the first time in recorded history that a judge had killed a burglar? In fact, is this unprecedented across the pond, too? And more to the point, if anyone says the judge acted disproportionately and that he really shouldn’t be canonized, are they politically correct stooges from a morally abased, utterly bankrupt European superstate (or something like that: we confess that tabloidese eludes us)?

Pictured: a judge says “Clint Eastwood isn’t the only one who likes large handguns.” But note: she’s not Carlisle Overstreet.