What on earth is “sockpuppeting”? Why, it’s the use of a sockpuppet, of course. The New York Times has more, explaining that “This digital-age deception has … a precise definition — the act of creating a fake online identity to praise, defend or create the illusion of support for one’s self, allies or company.”
The Guardian alleges that journalist Andrew Gilligan is a serial sockpuppeteer, though the sockpuppeteer par excellence appears to be John Mackey, the chief executive of Whole Foods Market, who, says the NYT, used a fictional identity on the Yahoo message boards for nearly eight years to assail competition and promote his supermarket chain’s stock. Mackey apparently even found time to praise a haircut. His own.
If someone as high profile as Mackey opts to sockpuppet, perhaps there’s something in it? Here goes…
1. Sockpuppeting is cathartic.
Thanks to the web, everyone can express themselves online. So why not, after that tough 14-hour day, log on and do a bit of sockpuppeting? Far better than going to the gym, popping pills or any other of the stereotypical options for executive stress relief.
2. Sockpuppeting is Democratic.
As Barack Obama nears the Promised Land, one wonders: were his campaign team better at sockpuppeting than John McCain’s? Naturally, the question is ironical, for there is not a shred of evidence to suggest that either Obama or McCain utilised this thoroughly modern marketing tool. But, if they’d wanted to, why not? The First Amendment provides for the sanctity of freedom of expression. Isn’t the sockpuppeteer merely exercising his First Amendment rights?
3. Sockpuppeting allows you to experiment with an alter ego.
Writers have long been fascinated by the alter ego. The second self was the mirror, and antithesis, of the first in Robert Louis Stevenson’s Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, while Oscar Wilde developed the notion further in The Picture of Dorian Gray. Conrad toyed with it, too, in The Secret Sharer. The literary sockpuppeteer will have such works in mind as he comments anonymously on articles he has written, but he should remember Nietzsche in Beyond Good and Evil: “And if thou gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee.”
4. Sockpuppeting hones your dialogue skills.
According to the NYT, “In April 2006, the Los Angeles Times pulled Michael A. Hiltzik, a Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter, off of his blog because he had posted comments on blogs under an assumed name while feuding with readers,” while “In November, New Republic magazine suspended its culture critic Lee Siegel after it determined that he had been energetically defending himself in the discussion forums of his New Republic blog”. We’re not sure that these decisions were justified – both writers were no doubt developing their ability to write dialogue, something sadly all too lacking in most journalism.
5. If you don’t sockpuppet, you might not be doing your job.
Paul Kedrosky, a venture capitalist in San Diego and author of the blog Infectious Greed, tells the NYT that people are increasingly resorting to sock-puppetry. “I’m convinced it’s broader than anybody knows,” he says, “I’m convinced this is the tip of the iceberg.” Kedrosky is right. In the words of one senior newspaperman, “There are no rules. A blog post without a comment is like an empty restaurant. I’m not saying that you should post comments on your own stories. But there are no rules…” We get the picture.
6. Multiple sockpuppeting is intellectually stimulating.
Why stop at one sockpuppet? The serious, professional sockpuppeteer knows the truth of The Double Life of Veronique – that you can never have too many marionettes. Multiple sockpuppeting is merely the postmodern online incarnation of Whitman’s famous Song of Myself, in which he announced that “I am large. I contain multitudes.” It keeps your mind active, allows more than just one alter ego and is really just good practice for writing a play.
7. Sockpuppeting reminds you of Sooty.
To sockpuppet is to inhabit the realm of Sooty. It is to revisit, in these perilous, fraught and combative times, a mental space of fun and abandon. Indeed, some of the best sockpuppeteers are believed to dress up as Sooty before sockpuppeting. Once they have sockpuppeted, they return to their formal garb. Sometimes they switch between grey suit and Sooty suit a hundred times a day, though it is not known whether, each time they change into their Sooty suits, they chant “Izzy whizzy let’s get busy!”
“I suspect they do,” says Sweep, rather wearily, for he, like all canines, functions best when the rules are clear.
