What did you do this morning? Likely as not you logged on, opened up your email account and sighed at the amount of spam clogging up your inbox. But spam isn’t necessarily a bad thing. And hot on the heels of revelations that two lawyers started it all, we thought it was high time for some positive PR for spam. Here goes…
1. Spam makes you feel wanted.
You’re feeling a little down in the dumps. No one has bothered to ring and suggest a pint down the pub for days, your partner isn’t talking to you and even your mum seems more interested in the Olympics than finding out whether your boss is being nice to you. Spam is the answer. Spam is always there. It’s proof that someone cares.
2. Spam is always optimistic.
Have you ever received spam which is pessimistic? Which promotes euthanasia or is in any way, at all, nihilistic? No chance. Spam says that it’s all out there, waiting to happen; that life is already great but that it can be improved just a little. Professor Pangloss would have loved spam.
3. Spam keeps you guessing.
“Full time job! International company seeks representative for UNITED KINGDOM. Full time or part time.” You can read this a hundred times, and still not know whether the company is advertising a full or part time position.
4. Spam is exclamatory.
Love ‘em or loathe ‘em, if you’re looking for GRATUITOUSLY CAPPED SENTENCES AND the consistent misuse of EXCLAMATION MARKS, spammers are your friends!!!
5. Spam comes in languages other than English.
For the world wide web’s democratic essence, read the English language’s colonisation of the known world. Not for spammers, though. Their art knows no linguistic frontiers. What does it all mean? Who cares!
6. Rather like Henry Miller, spam celebrates sex.
The Times Literary Supplement reminds us of the unflinching embrace of the flesh present in the work of Henry Miller. Likewise, the work of spammers. They toil selflessly to bring us news of how Paris Hilton had sex with aliens and how good it was. Libertarians of the world, unite, for mankind was born free but is everywhere in consensual chains of endless desire and requited lust, thanks to the spammers.
7. Spam is apolitical.
Ever get sick of the way politics intrudes in every part of your life? Of course you do. The antidote is in your spam folder. Life, there, is lived sans contention and immune from ideology. What bliss. Photo courtesy of The Alieness.
8. Spam is there to help.
“A man with a small penis is not a 100% man.” So say many spammers but their intention is not to poke fun. Instead, they kindly offer all kinds of cures for those who might not regard themselves as “100% man”. Which is nice. Photo from Creative Commons.
9. Spam creates employment.
Legions of Google minions are retained to wage war against spam, and legions of spammers are retained to create spam. Who employees them? Does it matter? At least they’re not on street corners, snarling at dogs and skateboarding.
Blawg Review #174…
After two consecutive Olympic-themed Blawg Reviews, I was tempted go for a third despite my initial decision not to do so. Like most of America, I am officially entering post-Olympic withdrawal, and a celebration of what were truly a remarkable……
So Farewell, then, Sir Fred Goodwin.
Now you are just Fred.
Not Right Said Fred, but plain Fred.
The Forfeiture Committee did for you.
No one had heard of it before,
But Dave said it had to act, and it did.
Trouble is that no one knows what to think.
Is it ‘Alas, poor Fred‘,
Or ‘Hurray! Sir Fred is dead!’?
We don’t know.
Do you?
By A. Mob, aged 1,378 and a half.
STOP PRESS:
Fed up with being stuck on the Thames in south-east England, London yesterday decided to move. In a dramatic gesture which augurs ill for the Olympics, the city upped sticks and relocated to East Anglia.
Lawyers were not consulted about the move, and the city’s precise motivation remains unclear. However, financiers fear that London’s decision is a sign that it wishes to downsize. Moreover, a source from London said: “We no longer want to be Britain’s seat of power. If the Scots can deregulate, why can’t we? East Anglia is a nice place where nothing happens. It’s time for a quiet life. Please respect our right to privacy.”
Elsewhere, Birmingham did not do anything, but Manchester was seen to be packing its bags. “There’s an opportunity for us,” said Manchester. “We can become London.”
East Anglia said: “We don’t mind. It’ll be refreshing to be associated with something other than fens and flatness.”
A cartologist at CNN, which broke the extraordinary news, was later fired.
We seem to be visually led this week but sometimes words proliferate far too much and letting an image do the talking is no bad thing. That’s another way of saying that ACCESS Agency’s work with Lego is absolutely top drawer.
Is there a geek inside all of us?
Excellent Nike ad
Memo to would-be hacks: good writing is no longer a tool of your trade
Released almost a year ago, Spada’s groundbreaking research report, British Professions Today, is available for free download
This bank is so well designed that many of its staff never go home (allegedly)
In the latest of our series of white papers, Spada Research examines trends in environmental reporting.
After a raft of phone-hacking admissions and allegations, we are no longer seen as the gruff but dependable watchdog. Neville Thurlbeck, formerly of the News of the World (part of his Damascene conversion; to be continued).